There is a beautiful post at One Thing that is worth reading, particularly if you have Depression or love someone who does. I'm still in awe of how well she captured it.

Divine Control

This issue of divine control has been weighing on my mind. I mentioned previously that I wasn't really sure how much God had to do with the random circumstances of our lives. I've always tended to think that things just happen because we live in a fallen and corrupt world, then I guess God just goes behind doing "damage control" working everything out for the good. However, this theory--at least how it's worked out in my life--has a lot of contradictions in it. So, I decided to begin searching for truth, and must now admit that I was wrong.

Here are a few things I have found, starting with Hebrews 12:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

What I was rebelling against in my belief that God is not in control of every detail was God's discipline to bring me into holy living.

Here is a sermon by John Piper on this passage that is well worth reading.

I was directed to the July 16 entry in My Utmost for His Highest:

The Notion Of Divine Control

“How much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask Him?” Matthew 7:11

Jesus is laying down rules of conduct for those who have His Spirit. By the simple argument of these verses He urges us to keep our minds filled with the notion of God's control behind every thing, which means that the disciple must maintain an attitude of perfect trust and an eagerness to ask and to seek.

Notion your mind with the idea that God is there. If once the mind is notioned along that line, then when you are in difficulties it is as easy as breathing to remember - Why, my Father knows all about it! It is not an effort, it comes naturally when perplexities press. Before, you used to go to this person and that, but now the notion of the Divine control is forming so powerfully in you that you go to God about it. Jesus is laying down the rules of conduct for those who have His Spirit, and it works on this principle - God is my Father, He loves me, I shall never think of anything He will forget, why should I worry?

There are times, says Jesus, when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but trust Him. God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not; He will appear like an unnatural Father, but He is not; He will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the notion of the mind of God behind all things strong and growing. Nothing happens in any particular unless God's will is behind it, therefore you can rest in perfect confidence in Him. Prayer is not only asking, but an attitude of mind which produces the atmosphere in which asking is perfectly natural. "Ask, and it shall be given you."

God has given us this rule of conduct: to always remember He is there and is in control.

I have depression. It's something I don't want to consider that God intentionally gave me. That makes Him seem very unjust. I don't understand it, and it makes me very angry with God that He won't just heal me. But my anger at God is always a statement that God is unfair. When I don't like my life and what God has allowed into my life, I am being demanding of life, and ultimately of God. I am demanding my will, not His will. I still don't have this all worked out. I am struggling, which is a large part of my reason for quietness here. But I think struggling is okay; in fact, I think it's just where God wants me to be.

Spirulina

Spirulina! By taking Spirulina, I have been able to go off anti-depressants now for 7 weeks! And I'm doing great! I never would have thought it possible. That is not to say that I have no struggles and life is just hunky-dory, but it is very manageable. I previously blogged about Spirulina and its benefits here.

During the times of greater struggle, I meditate on one of these Scriptures:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. Psalm 119:71

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints . . . Ephesians 1:18

If you are struggling with depression, it is well worth trying Spirulina. And I'd love to hear your success stories!

Psalm 130

A song of ascents.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;

2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?

4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.

6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

7 Israel, put your hope in the LORD,
for with the LORD is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.

8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Chlorella and Spirulina

Doesn't sound like something you should eat, does it? Sounds more like a reason to thoroughly wash your hands! But I've been "eating" them (in the form of swallowing pills) for about three weeks now, and I have to tell you that the changes have been amazing. Within 15 minutes of taking my first Spirulina, my mood lifted. I've only taken a nap one day since taking them (previously an everyday requirement). My appetite has been suppressed, and I have had very little craving for sweets.

So what is this stuff? Here is an excert from this free e-book:

Both chlorella and spirulina are microscopic plants that grow in fresh water. They're actually called micro-algae, since they are microscopic forms of algae. These micro-algae contain an astounding array of nutritional elements: vitamins, macrominerals, trace minerals, essential fatty acids, protein, nucleic acids (RNA and DNA), chlorophyll, and a vast spectrum of phytochemicals. They are thought to contain every nutrient required by the human body.

Of the nutritive substances we know about, however, here's what you find in chlorella and spirulina:

• High-quality complete protein that is more dense and more digestible than any animal-derived protein. (Chlorella is 58% protein.)
• All the known B vitamins, including vitamin B12 which is almost never found in plants.
• Vitamin C.
• Vitamin E.
• Macrominerals: calcium, magnesium, zinc, potassium and many more.
• Trace minerals.
• Omega-3 fatty acids including GLA.
• Mucopolysaccharides.
• Beta-carotene.
• Nucleic acids (RNA & DNA).
• Chlorophyll.

As I have previously mentioned, I've been reading books on how to heal depression naturally. Many of them recommended certain vitamins and minerals, but just then the Lord directed my path to learning about Chlorella and Spirulina, and it supplies naturally all the vitamins and minerals that I was about to go buy in artificial form!

Here is another excerpt from the introduction page to the book, explaining some of the benefits of Chlorella and Spirulina:

•		Which superfood provides twelve times more digestible protein than beef.
•		How these superfoods actually rebuild nerve tissue in the brain and throughout the body.
•		The truth about how one superfood has been shown to kill breast cancer tumors outright.
•		Why these superfoods would cost $100 a pill if they could be patented and classified as drugs.
•		The reason why these superfoods are called "the perfect food" for the human body.
•		How these superfoods provide critical nutritional help for those on high-protein / low-carb diets.
•		The surprising facts of how these superfoods provide a complete protein (all eight essential amino acids) that's rarely found in the plant kingdom.
•		The cancer-fighting truth that modern medicine doesn't want you to know: there's a blue pigment in spirulina that shrinks cancer tumors.
•		How these superfoods correct a common nutritional deficiency that results in poor cardiovascular health and increased risk of osteoporosis.
•		Why you can throw out all your "bulk" vitamins and minerals once you start eating these superfoods: they provide every vitamin and mineral needed for human health in natural form, straight from nature, not from a chemical factory.
•		How chlorella contains far more calcium than milk (and all-important magnesium, too, which is almost completely absent in milk).
•		Why these superfoods are vastly superior to coral calcium when it comes to getting macrominerals and trace minerals from natural sources.
•		How these two superfoods help regulate blood sugar and reduce cravings for carbohydrates.
•		The astounding facts about how these superfoods actually remove heavy metals from your body: metals like mercury, cadmium, lead and arsenic.
•		The truth about how one nutrient found in one of these superfood boosts brain function and literally increases mental capacity.
•		Why people with silver dental fillings absolutely must take these superfoods to protect their nervous systems from damage.
•		Which superfood is best for people with chronic liver disorders or who have a history of smoking or drinking.
•		The shocking truth of how one group of students improved their academic scores by 81% from taking a tiny dose of one of these superfoods for six months.
•		How certain ingredients in these superfoods help your body repair DNA damage to boost its immune function and even reverse cancer.
•		The astounding truth of how one group of patients undergoing chemotherapy and radiation actually quadrupled their two-year survival rates by taking a single dose of chlorella!
•		How one ingredient found in spirulina protects against arthritis, multiple sclerosis, asthma, and cardiovascular disease -- all at the same time!
•		The facts on how these two superfoods can protect you from pesticides, PCBs, and other environmental toxins that are simply unavoidable in today's food supply.
•		Well researched recommendations on where to buy spirulina and chlorella at the absolute best prices on the Internet (you could be overpaying by 200% or more if you buy the famous brands for these superfoods. I'll show you where to get them at a fraction of the price from trusted sourced.) As always, I have no financial ties with the sources I recommend. I accept no advertising revenues.

The Mood Cure

I am reading a book titled The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Todayby Julia Ross, M.A. This is one of several books I've been reading to try to find natural cures to depression. I appreciate Ms. Ross for recognizing that the term "depression" encompasses too large a category to fit everyone's circumstance.

Chapter Two includes a four-part mood-type questionnaire that breaks down the four most common mood imbalances, helping to identify your particular mood imbalance. Subsequent chapters are devoted to each of the four mood imbalances and include what your body may be lacking and specifics on how to correct it with nutrition and supplements. Each chapter is fairly detailed--but easy reading--on just how the body functions and how the food and supplements impact mood.

I also appreciate that Ms. Ross recognizes that mood imbalances can be genetic; however, that does not mean change is impossible. It is a matter of finding how your particular body is imbalanced, and taking steps to change it.

The four most common mood imbalances are described as:

Lifting the Dark Cloud: Eliminating the Depression and Anxiety caused by inadequate serotonin.

Blasting the Blahs: Rebuilding your energy, motivation, and capacity to focus.

All Stressed Out: How to recover from adrenal overload

Too Sensitive to Life's Pain? How to amplify your own comforting endorphins.

The book also offers practical help identifying bad-mood foods, setting up a master plan, good-mood recipes, and putting together a mood repair program. The five bad-mood foods are identified as: Sweets, White Flour, Wheat, Bad Fats, and Soy.

She also offers "Tool Kits" with further information on how to find practitioners and get the right type of testing, supplements, etc.; thyroid, adrenal, and sex hormone testing and rebalancing; and a food craving tool kit. Yes, she claims there are supplements you can take to even-out your blood sugar and stop the starch and sugar cravings!! However, I have found that I do not have near the food cravings after having cut diet soda and sugary foods from my diet.

I would highly recommend The Mood Cureand The Brain Chemistry Dietif you are struggling with any type of mood disorders.

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the moldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the moldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Brain Chemistry Diet

I am currently reading The Brain Chemistry Diet : The Personalized Prescription for Balancing Mood, Relieving Stress, and Conquering Depression, Based on Your Personality Profile. I believe it's been republished as The Brain Chemistry Plan. It is fascinating reading, the premise being that we all fit somewhat into six psychological types depending on our brain chemistry. There is a test to take in the book to determine which type you fit in to. The test is also here if you're interested to see which type you are.

For each type, a suggested diet and nutritional supplements are suggested, as well as other ways to optimize the strengths and minimize the weaknesses of that type. I was surprised when the test classified me as a Dreamer, with Guardian being a very close second. I would have chosen Guardian had I just looked at the list. I didn't want to be a Dreamer. But as I continued to read the Dreamer chapter, some things did begin to make sense. The Dreamer "in trouble" can become schizophrenic. I do not feel I've ever been even close to that kind of trouble; I have never heard voices and I do not retreat to an alternate world, but I do often berate myself for what I perceive as selfishness, which turns out to be part of my nature to be very inward focused. I find these things fascinating.

Dr. Lesser explains that all neurons in our central nervous system, including the brain, are activated and deactivated by neurotransmitters. He goes on to say that:

While there's only one way for the message to get through - via a neurotransmitter [in the synapse or gap] between neurons - there are [many] ways for the message not to get through:

• There is not enough of the neurotransmitter to do the job - signals within the neuron are unable to release it into the synapse.
• Oversensitive neurons release too much of the neurotransmitter, swamping and depleting the system.
• Reuptake of the neurotransmitter is poor, so there isn't enough to respond to the next signal.
• Too much of the neurotransmitter is broken down and the message can't be completed; nothing is left for the next signal.
• Another molecule blocks the receptor, and the neurotransmitter cannot connect.
• Inadequate or insufficient receptors, present on the receiving neuron, prevent reception of the neurotransmitter.

The disproportionate opportunities for failure, rather than success, make it that much more crucial that our brains get a constant supply of the correct neurotransmitters, and the raw materials for making them, in order to keep working smoothly. By and large, neurotransmitters become inactive once they've delivered a message... Though they exist throughout the body, they cannot move into the brain from outside it ... Instead, they are made ... in the brain, where and when they are needed... Your body will make only what it needs, from available materials...

Neurotransmitters are made from amino acids (the building blocks of all proteins), which we get from the food we eat. Poor diet, then, can leave us without the ability to make the chemical messengers necessary for healthy brain function...(pp.18-20)

This all makes more sense to me than ambiguous claims and long lists of "bad things that might happen to you if you eat too much sugar." The diets he suggests are really just healthy diets that any doctor would suggest, with only slight variations. However, he does assert that most of the people he treats are malnourished due to the typical American diet that is so devoid of real nutrition, vitamins, and minerals. He suggests what we've all heard if we've done any type of nutritional research--avoid all whites: flour, sugar, rice, and pasta.

I'm on Day Two of no sugar and no Diet Pepsi. It hasn't been terribly difficult, but I'm still in "high motivation phase;" I haven't faced a crisis, which is when I seek consolation in food, or a special event (like the weekend), when I celebrate with food. My attitude and mood have been better, but the sun has also been shining and the days longer and warmer. My mood plummeted this evening as it began to rain and as I went to a ladies Bible study. Sounds odd, I know, but for a person as shy as I am, going to a group Bible study is extremely exhausting and intimidating. I make myself do it to grow.

Being shy and socially ill at ease is part of the Dreamer trait. Vincent van Gogh is the example given in the book of a Dreamer. I found that very interesting because I love van Gogh's work. My Mom and I visited the Vincent van Gogh museum in Amsterdam last April. It was a huge treat. As I looked at his paintings--his real paintings--I felt such a kinship, like he was speaking to me and I understood. So to read that in this book was surprising, confirming, maybe even alarming? He was obviously a tortured soul, a Dreamer in trouble. Could it have been his poverty and poor diet that contributed to his mental illness? Very interesting (and sad) to think how his life could have been different with proper nutrition.

So, take the test. What type are you?

Diet Sodas Cause Weight Gain and Depression?

I love Diet Pepsi. I crave Diet Pepsi. It started a few years ago when tea began to cause my tongue to burn, so I started drinking Diet Pepsi. I didn't want to consume sugar, couldn't drink tea, and get very tired of water. Okay, there are my excuses.

I'd like to summarize this article on how drinking diet sodas causes weight gain and depression. I need to assimilate the information and become convinced to stop this addiction.

Rats
Purdue University found that rats given artificial sweeteners gained more weight than those given sugar. That seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it? Another study found that 18,000 people who consumed one diet beverage a day increased their risk of metabolic disorders and other health problems by 30%-40%. A controlled study of 80,000 women who consume artificial sweeteners put on more weight per year than those who didn't. It seems that with the use of artificial sweeteners, your food urges increase, causing greater consumption of sugar and sugary foods.

It's a balancing act
When you've received enough energy from a meal, your mouth, stomach, intestines, and liver send messages to your brain that all energy requirements have been met. Subsequently, your nervous system secretes hormones telling you that all energy requirements have been met and you are "full." So, if you don't eat enough at one meal to fulfill the energy requirements, your body will try to make up for it during the next meal. On the flip side, if you eat too much, your body will signal that it requires less energy at the next meal. Your body strives to keep its energy distribution balanced.

Because artificial sweeteners are low-energy and non-physiological, your body signals "low energy," which stimulates the desire for food. Whenever you're not meeting the energy needs of your body, it will continue to crave more, which leads to chronic over-eating. You will crave high-carb, and sugar-filled foods that will give you quick energy, but they are also "empty" energy, raising your blood sugar for a short time, but then plummeting to below-normal levels. When your blood sugar level drops below normal, it can cause depression, anxiety, and exhaustion.


Deceiving your body
Because artificial sweeteners are detected by your body as a "sweet," and because sugar can move straight through the stomach walls, ending up in your blood stream within 3-5 minutes, your body regulates sugar through a reflex mechanism that starts in the tongue. When sugar touches the taste buds, the pancreas is signaled to secret insulin, which is required by the cells. But when you've consumed artificial sweeteners, rather than receiving the sugar it expected, your body receives protein compounds. The pancreas has already done its job, sending out insulin into the bloodstream searching for sugar, and when it doesn't find it, it removes blood sugar instead. This, of course, lowers your blood sugar, which then signals the "hunger" alarm for your body to increase blood sugar, which leaves you craving sugary foods. You can see what a vicious cycle this sends your body through.

A serious situation can arise when your body is given a constant supply of artificial sweeteners. Since the sweeteners continually trigger your taste buds, the brain maintains an almost continuous urge to eat. At the same time, the liver is instructed by the brain to store sugar supplies rather than release them, which causes chronic fatigue. The pancreas eventually realizes it has been cheated and reduces secretion of insulin, and the body reacts with depression.

And it gets better . . .

Once aspartame has hit the intestinal tract, it is converted into "two highly excitatory neurotransmitter amino acids, aspartic acid and phenylalanine, as well as into methyl alcohol (wood-grain alcohol) and formaldehyde (embalming fluid)."

Wood alcohol is one of the most dangerous substances that result from eating artificial sweeteners. It may directly enter the bloodstream and move through the brain barrier into the central nervous system where it can influence the neurotransmitters, alter brain function, and cause brain damage. Wood alcohol can cause blindness and formaldehyde can cause cancer. In some cases aspartame may suppress appetite and “kill” AGNI, the digestive fire, altogether. Both can lead to quick, excessive weight gain. According to Consumer Reports, aspartame has a shelf life of between two and three months. After that it begins to break down and pose an increasing danger to the consumer. The same occurs when aspartame or an aspartame-containing food is heated.

Other sweeteners besides aspartame have similar effects. Added to soft drinks, they are now even linked with testicular damage and other key areas of the body.

Can I stop drinking Diet Pepsi? Ugh. The thought is overwhelming. I love its sweety goodness and tingly sensation. It would be helpful if there were natural alternatives that didn't cost the earth. Why do foods that are less processed cost more? I guess that's an issue for another post. Even now my mind wants to justify why it isn't "that bad" to drink Diet Pepsi. I'll just be "aware" of its effect to cause me to want to eat more and not give into it. Maybe I'll drink it only with protein? Or sugar? Boy, I am really grasping here. Rationalization is a powerful thing. Which reminds me of Jeremiah 17:9: "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?"

My Own Concordance

Or, Depression, Part 3.

One of the best ways I have found to counteract the negative thought processes of depression is by using the truth of scripture. Because Scripture is the living Word of God, it has the power to change. One of the things I do is construct my own concordance.

I bought a small 7"x9" three-ring binder and refill pages at Staples. I did not put alphabet tabs in mine, but I do keep the subjects alphabetized, using a heading that makes sense to me. For instance, my first page heading is "Alcohol," and subsequent pages are labeled "Depression," "Faith," "Grace," "Hardships," "Healing," etc. As I come upon a scripture that strikes me in a particular way, I add it. I put the reference and a brief description or partial quote. Because it's a three-ring binder, I can just slip a page in anywhere it alphabetically fits.

This could also be used to keep sermon notes, but I've decided to keep mine on my laptop so I can easier search and find what I'm looking for.

Today, I read Psalm 19 while using Praying the Bible for Your Children. I took some time to meditate on these words concerning the Word of God and its effect in my life:

7 The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
8 The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
9 The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.
10 They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
11 By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

And verse 14 is what I added to my Concordance under the headings of "Depression," "Words," "TV & Time":

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing
in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

One of the greatest battles a depressed person faces is the one that goes on in their mind. If left unchecked, the negative thoughts can bring a person spiralling downwards quickly. It takes a lot of effort to combat these thoughts, and it is exhausting. However, remember 2 Corinthians 12:8-10: "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." When I'm weak and tired from the fight, I quote this to myself and to God in prayer, admitting my weakness.

Another verse on my "Depression" page that deals with controlling our thought-life is 2 Corinthians 10:5:

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

These are by no means quick-fixes, but rather tools for the battle. I would encourage everyone to begin such a concordance, particularly those who are dealing with depression.

Depression, Part 2

Maybe defining the word Depression would be helpful. I appreciate the time "anonymous" took in sharing her testimony of how Vit. B solved her depression, and I'm sure her desire was to help. However, she stands as an example of the misunderstanding of depression. Again, I understand the desire to help; I've got a very strong "helper" trait. But sometimes that help can hurt when depression is treated as a weakness, something a person is doing wrong, or something a person can help themselves out of. I don't mean to sound like that is never the case. I do think depression is so common these days due to many factors, including diet and living a stress-filled life. And that's where the misunderstanding comes in, I think.

So, maybe I should clear up what I mean when I say depression. I am not talking about circumstantial depression or post-partum depression. Everyone gets depressed, or has times of depression, during particularly difficult periods in their life, particularly those suffering with a chronic illness. If you find yourself suddenly depressed, particularly after having a baby, you should pray, share with a friend, evaluate and eliminate the stressors in your life, maintain a healthy diet, and exercise. And don't be afraid to talk to a doctor. Even going on anti-depressants temporarily can help clear your mind and get you over the hurdle, back to your normal self.

What I am talking about is Major Depression. When your "normal self" is depressed, when you've been that way for as long as you can remember and don't really know how else to think or function. To quote from the Mayo Clinic's site:

Depression isn't a weakness, nor is it something that you can simply "snap out of." Depression, formally called major depression, major depressive disorder or clinical depression, is a medical illness that involves the mind and body. It affects how you think and behave and can cause a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may not be able to go about your usual daily activities, and depression may make you feel as if life just isn't worth living anymore.

Most health professionals today consider depression a chronic illness that requires long-term treatment, much like diabetes or high blood pressure.

Causes:
It's not known specifically what causes depression. As with many mental illnesses, it's thought that a variety of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors may cause depression:

Biochemical. Some evidence from high-tech imaging studies indicates that people with depression have physical changes in their brains. The significance of these changes is still uncertain but may eventually help pinpoint causes. The naturally occurring brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, which are linked to mood, also may play a role in depression. Hormonal imbalances also could be a culprit.
Genes. Some studies show that depression is more common in people whose biological family members also have the condition. Researchers are trying to find genes that may be involved in causing depression.
Environment. Environment is also thought to play a causal role in some way. Environmental causes are situations in your life that are difficult to cope with, such as the loss of a loved one, financial problems and high stress.

To be diagnosed with Major Depression, you must meet the symptom criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Diagnostic criteria for depression include:

Symptoms that occur nearly every day for two or more weeks
A depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities
Significant unintentional weight loss or weight gain
Sleeping difficulties, whether sleeping too much, too little or frequent waking episodes while trying to sleep
Feelings of restlessness and agitation
Feelings of sluggishness
Fatigue or lack of energy
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Problems thinking, concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide
Your symptoms cause you distress or impair your ability to function in your daily life

I've sat and debated for a long time on what to type next. Do I admit that I have all those symptoms? Yikes. That is pretty transparent and vulnerable. So I have to ask myself: what is my purpose in blogging about this? I have three answers, all of which call me to honesty: 1) To encourage others by letting them know there are people--good, Christian, normal, lovely, people--who struggle with Major Depression; 2) To help remove the social stigma of Depression as something "wrong" with a person or something you can get yourself out of if you just try hard enough or something you can pray yourself out of if you're a good enough Christian; 3) To bring myself to greater terms with this condition and living it honestly with those I love.

I'm not always "depressed." I don't walk around with a glum face. I love to laugh. I love my family. I love my life as a Mom, homeschooler, and Wife. (Depression is not ingratitude either.) And I love the Lord with all my heart! Because we are created in such a multi-faceted way, there is no one way depression is manifested. I think some of what I'm struggling with now could have several factors: Depression mixed with a very long and gloomy winter, PMS, and possibly an adjustment needed in my medication. And that reminds me, there is also a condition called PMDD. If you are a female and find yourself severely depressed 1-2 weeks out of the month, please talk to your gynecologist.

My greatest hope in sharing this is that it has been beneficial to someone else.

Depression, Part 1

I tend to be pretty transparent. I don't like pretending. I figure if we're all in this world together, and if we can be of any help to each other, than the best way is to be open and honest with each other, "bearing one another's burdens." (Galatians 6:2) So, if that makes you feel uncomfortable, you probably should skip this post.

I suffer with depression, just like other people suffer with asthma or diabetes. If that caused a reaction in you, I understand. When my meds are working well, even I can't understand the twisted way in which I once thought. Although there is research being done to try to match a person's blood type to a specific anti-depressant, currently the only real way to find one what works is to try them. I've tried a lot of them, which is not a fun roller coaster. What works for my depression makes me very sleepy. I have to live with the sleepiness and lack of productivity; it's a trade-off.

I have been struggling lately. I'm hoping it's due to the dreary winter weather, but have a suspicion that it's more than that. I did a Google search on "homeschooling depression" to see if I could find help from others in my situation. The first one I found was an article by Teri Maxwell about her past struggle with depression. And while I appreciate her willingness to share publicly, it aggravates me that people share their struggle once they're "over" it. I think that pushes the stigma of mental illness further underground: It's embarrasing and something we don't talk about until we've conquered it.

So, I looked further and came upon this quote:

"Many of us homeschooling moms deal with depression that can, at times, be debilitating. We don't have to live with it! If you're living with depression, look into what may be going causing it, and take steps to remedy it. . . Above all, ask your Heavenly Father for help. He knows what makes you tick, and He knows all the circumstances of your life. He's so ready to help; all you need to do is ask Him for it. Why suffer with it any longer?"

That infuriates me. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe we need a different name for the times when a person experiences circumstantial depression as opposed to the person who suffers with a chemically-altered brain function. But when I read things like the above, I just want to scream and cry for all the other people in my position who feel so condemned by such statements. I don't have to live with it? I don't have to suffer any longer? If I really seek God, He will pull me out of it? That just perpetuates the idea that it's a shameful situation rather than a true medical condition. Why hasn't God healed me then? I've asked that over and over and over.

Thank God for His Holy Scriptures, the Living Word. It is truly amazing that in that one book we can find the answers to every life circumstance. Only God could put together something that perfect! What I've been encouraged by is Paul's experience with the "thorn in the flesh" that is never named. He asked God to remove it, but God choose, in His sovereignty, to allow it to remain. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect
in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ's power may rest on me.

I have clung to those words in recent days. His grace is enough. I may never be free of this disease. His power is made perfect in my weakness. His power is perfected in my depression. How? I don't fully know, other than it draws me to Him; I cannot boast in my own strength; I am continually humbled. For whatever reason, God has chosen to give me this thorn in my flesh. So I will continue to bear it to the best of my ability.